One of these days

Bali, 9 August 2020

One of these days I just want to close the curtain and let the room gets dark

One of these days I just want to ignore all the sunrise the sunset even the summer breeze of the ocean.

I just want to lay on the bed, watching my yoga mat complains from the corner of the room

Or let all the veggies and fruits in the fridge untouched and order chicken with rice for my breakfast

I don’t even have the energy to grab my Tumblr and go to the coffee shop to order my take away ice latte. I order it online instead. And just today, I don’t want to feel guilty about it.

I don’t want to think about the projects I have set for the last couple of weeks to keep me productive.

I don’t want to worry about the future, money, people, my body, or even the world

I just want to roll around in my bed thinking about how he did me wrong

I just want to be okay of not being in the present and keep coming back to all the good and bad memories in the past

I just want to open my hard disk external and scroll all those pictures I’ve been buried for these whole three years.

I just want to turn off my phone and watch Netflix all day and refuse to take a shower

I just want to listen to all of these sad songs

I just want to avoid those voices inside my head

“Hey you’re in Bali, go out”

I just want to absorb all the negativity and deal with it

I want to cry on the floor

Regrets everything I did

Losing myself

Feeling insecure about everything.

I want to accept the fact

That I’m far from okay today.

 

One of these days

I just want to be alone