How to be a human?
It was 7 am, Friday. Her breath was heavy, but her mind was empty. As empty as her room.
They said, when you’re getting older people starting to forget about you. But this year, she kind of liked being forgotten. It was a bizarre time when people lost of sense on how to be a human anyway.
She jumped into her dad’s white old car and drove to Sheila’s home.
“Happy Birthday Bitch!” Her cousin yelled with her sparkly eyes and a small piece of cake with red candle when she walked through the door. Her cousin knew, Sienna hated her own birthdays. But she bought a small cake anyway.
“Thank you”, Sienna tried to be polite and blow the candle without saying any wish.
She walked into the kitchen to put the cake in the fridge while she heard her aunt calling her. “Hey, are you going to give food for people on the street again today?” She looked at her aunt’s long veil while nod. “Don’t forget to mention your name to the poor people, so they would pray for your fortune”.
They said the prayer of poor people is efficacious. God listens the prayer of unfortunate people, so if you give them food in return for a prayer that would be good. At least that’s what her aunt believes.
Why it has to be for our sake every time we give someone something. Why it’s not for the sake of the people we give? If anyone should pray is her and other people who are more fortunate than these people, so their life would be better.
She lives in a weird society where selfish people are just wanted to get credit every time they’re doing ‘kindness’. What kindness even mean?
Suddenly a memory of a friend came into her mind. When her friend texted her that she would send her a shoes. “Wear it, don’t sell it” A simple sentence that broke her fucking mind. Why would she sell it? “I want to treat you with a nice shoes, but I am afraid you would sell it, cause I want you to wear them”. And yes, they’re not even that close for her to make that kind of joke, if only it was a joke. But Siena did double checked about it and yes she meant it when she said “Don’t sell it”. Cause back then Siena was jobless and earn no shit. And her friend’s assumption that she would sell everything she received was casually cruel.
Maybe her friend had a good intention to give her things, and she was supposed to feel grateful and happy.
But how could she be happy when the only thing she received from her friend’s good intention was a prejudice, heartache and shame. Spitting on every last pieces of dignity she had left.
Were these words even surprising in a world where giving things to people means you expect them to upload the picture on social media and tag you so the whole world know that you are a generous friend?
Sienna looked at her 7 years old niece who was standing next to the fridge, witnessing her conversation with her aunt, then whispered to this little girl ears.
“Hey Sadie, giving is nice but only when you mean it”
Siena added in her mind.
“And dear human just keep it whatever it is that you want to give, if the only person you care about is yourself. Do them some kindness, keep your dollars and make-believe status in your pocket. While we can all re-learn about how to be a human again before our big head and heaven and internet.”